My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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