she woke up with a sticky ear
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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