sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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