just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
