Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
