new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
