I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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