I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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