i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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