Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
