I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
