no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
