I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
