he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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