Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
