can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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