An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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