Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there was a trapeze. enough said
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
