thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
