hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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