I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
