i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
