so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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