i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
