I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
