I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
