im six kinds of drunk right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
