Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
