Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
