i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
