I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
