Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
