New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
