I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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