I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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