I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I lost the right to judge tonight
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
