hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
