I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
