i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
