I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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