How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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