The maid of honor just puked.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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