I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
