I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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