Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
