I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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