if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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