Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
