I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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