you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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