I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
