When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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