if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
