What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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