So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
