just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
