we're blogging at a bar
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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