Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
